It’s amazing what comes to mind when you are sitting under the hair dryer. Here is a poem that basically wrote itself.
I am fearless. I am afraid. I am chained, locked up inside beating on the cage screaming, “Let me out.” I am confused at what this is.
Am I thinking of love on my own terms or is it how everyone else views it? I want this. No, I don’t! I push you away, I beg you to stay until you leave on your own.
Gone without a word, gesture… I am dumfounded. Upset that you were a coward and decided to move on without me letting me wallow in my misery. I stare at my phone anticipating your call, or text. Still you don’t attempt to reach me.
I suppose I should blame myself. I was ruthless, selfish, and judgmental. I allowed old relationships to manifest through you. I relived them everyday.
Everyday I recalled the conversations. Everyday I relived the gestures. Everyday I remembered the moment I was with them and not you. I couldn’t release them. I couldn’t begin to look at you until I let them go.
I have so much dirty garbage that I let rot within my heart. Now it’s corrupted unable to heal. Since you are gone, this wound will continue to linger.
I’m upset not because you left, I’m glad you did. For I would of just held you in contempt with me and my regrets. Now I am only afraid of me. Me and my thoughts. Me and my past. Because I didn’t leave it behind me where it belongs. Instead I let the past play over and over in my head.
Now it has manifested once again, only this time there is nothing I can do but continue to let it replay…